LIFE AS I KNOW IT
So here I am, at almost midnight snuggled up with Hailey as she is sound asleep and I cant help but to wonder who this precious little girl is going to be when she is all "grown up" It makes me quite sad to see her as she is now, at only 2, and I am already sad to see 3 come, because I know it will go just as quickly as it comes. I still cant believe it has been almost 2 1/2 years since shes been born. Earlier when I was in the shower, I happened to glance down and see my scar from my c-section, and tears came to my eyes. I usually try to avoid the scar, for one simple reason, it wasnt necesary and this is not how I was supposed to bring a child into this life. But it is what it is, and I deal with it. Im not vein, the scar doesnt bother me at all, I am actually learning to love it, because without that scar, I would not have my precious daugher who is my whole entire world. I have her and that is all that matters. But the thought of her "growing up" is weighing heavily on me. I want her to have a brother or sister so bad. She just LOVES other kids. She would be the PERFECT big sister, and it bothers me that I can not give her a sibling at the moment. Timing is not right, and I blame myself for it. Then, I have so many fears of having another baby. What if I dont feel the same love for him/her as I do for Hailey? What if I cant give her all the attention she deserves? What if she resents me for having another baby, because I will not be able to spend all my time with just her? All these what ifs have me worried. I know, they sound crazy, but hey, these are my feelings. I dont want ANY of my children to ever feel left out, or for one to feel like the other is loved more. Ugh, im just frustrated really. My life isnt where I thought it would be. Its getting there, but I feel like its taking forever. How did I let myself get to where I am now.I envisiond myself married, a great job, a nice home and kid(s). In that order! I should have had my life all planned out before even having one baby. Im almost 25 years old, and im still in college and who knows when I will actually graduate! It could be another year or two. Not to mention everything else that I just dont feel like going into right now. . I just needed to vent I suppose.
POTTY TRAINING
On a better note, all of my patience have paid off. Hailey is doing great on the potty. She has went 5 days now without any wet diapers. I am so proud of her, and she knows it. She is very proud of herself as well! I couldnt be happier and more proud
You are heading in the right direction...getting your education right now is exactly what you should be doing and it will make a lot of things much easier. There's no use regretting the past or wishing things were different...you just have to embrace the present. Some things are imperfectly perfect. I think all parents have the same worries about having another child- but I know you have more than enough love to give another child and I think Hailey will like being a big sister one day. You are still young and have plenty of time to have a sibling for her. Enjoy right now with just her as I am sure she enjoys being the center of attention for now. ;) Yay for the potty training!
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